A Venus Retrograde Survival Guide

The planet of love is retrograding in hot-headed Aries. Here's how to save your own heart.

When Lady Gaga was born, Venus was retrograding in Aries. Can you tell?

Hi, doll.

Venus retrograde has begun, and chances are good it’s already tripped you up.

You may be over the topic of retrogrades, and I get that. Some planets, like Jupiter, are retrograde for half the year. Others, like Mercury, retrograde so frequently that blaming them is as clichéd as blaming the dog who ate your homework.

But Venus Retrogrades are different dogs altogether. Occurring every 19 months, they last 40 days and 40 nights, and force us to reevaluate our patterns in love, the creative arts, aesthetics, etiquette, ethics, and money.

I submit that very few of you consult me for non-Venus related matters.

Are Venus Retrogrades inherently bad? No. Are they challenging? Yes. Are they useful? They are wildly useful—especially the one that started March 1.

Anything that improves how we love ourselves and each other is A-OK in my book.

A retrograde is an optical illusion in which, from the Earth’s perspective, a planet appears to be moving backward because of its relative position to the Sun. It’s as if the planet is on sabbatical, leaving us to confront our baggage, blocks, and bad habits in the areas it usually runs smoothly on our behalf.

That’s why Venus retrograde is such a big deal. In our sexist society, Venus is only acknowledged as the goddess of beauty and romance. The truth? Our girl pretty much holds civil society together—families, partnerships, friendship circles, art collectives, workplaces, schools, even banks. (I’m not sure you can call banks civil. TBD!).

We rely on Venus to get out of bed in the morning. We rely on her to get into bed.

So when she goes retrograde, nothing and nobody looks, tastes, smells, sounds, feels, or acts right. Money problems surge. Aesthetic and artistic professions suffer. And, yeah, relationship problems come to head.

Strong professional and personal bonds survive, but undergo major growing pains. Ones that have outlived their welcome end. New creative, financial, aesthetic, or romantic endeavors falter.

Retrogrades are better for reflection than initiation.

Thinking of cutting bangs or making your spring fling social media-official? Suddenly can’t get enough liverwurst or appletinis? Whatever’s calling to you now may prove repellant once Venus is back in action.

Especially with this planet malingering in Aries, you may catch yourself craving the boldest strokes and blokes. Think glitter, neon, metal machine music.

Retrograde goggles are real, man.

Witness last weekend’s Oscar festivities, which were chock-a-block with unlikely pairings and rebound relationships. By the time you read this, half of those couples may be so over we need a new word for over. (I’d put money on Ralph Fiennes and Chelsea Handler breaking up first.)

A Venus retrograde in Aries fashion parade. Yes, that’s a meat dress.

So how are Venus retrogrades useful? Let me count the ways.